Re: friday humor

[Alesa Ward <award@CMFOODS.COM>]

Hope you enjoy these snappy answers....

Snappy Answer #1:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said,"Sir, I
need to see your ticket, not your stub."


Snappy Answer #2:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."


Snappy Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."  When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.


Snappy Answer #4:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of gas."


And finally Snappy Answer#5:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,
or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"


The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."



Thank you,
Alesa Ward
Cal-Maine Foods, Inc.
3320 Woodrow Wilson Ave
Jackson, MS  39209

601-948-6813


-----Original Message-----
From: MS Excel General Q & A List [mailto:EXCEL-G@PEACH.EASE.LSOFT.COM]
On Behalf Of Porter, Robin
Sent: Friday, July 25, 2003 7:26 AM
To: EXCEL-G@PEACH.EASE.LSOFT.COM
Subject: friday humor

Here's one for everybody

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the
dog
on
the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the
receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his
head
sadly
and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any
testing on
him
or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he
returned
with
a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking
the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable
amount
of
sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark"
(meaning "dead as a doornail").

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few
moments
with a
cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table.
As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow"
(meaning
"he's history"). He then jumped off the table and ran out of
the room.

The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went
berserk.
"$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word
for
it,
the charge would have been $50, but you wanted the Lab work
and the cat scan."

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